I LOVE RIDES...

…the scarier the better… give me the biggest water slide and I am in my element.

I am scared but I am going to be the first in line, no matter what.

My parents always taught me to be fearless, take risks and work hard to achieve what you want. By default, I always associated fear with weakness and weakness with failure.

Fast forward to 2020…precisely March 2020.

For the last 20 years of my working life, I do not remember a time when I was not…well, working. Work was my life, my work friends are my best friends, colleagues become friends, and everything evolves around my work…my WORK defines me, it is intoxicating. So, what do you do when your work comes to a halt due to a pandemic, the well-known COVID-19? What happens when you pivot from being insanely crazy busy to have very little to work on? You envy your friends when they tell you they are busy…what does it feel like?

It feels like a black hole where you cannot see the exit sign…it feels like the biggest come down ever after 20 years of partying hard with no sleep. It is terrifying…But of course I never talk about it because fear is weakness and I could never ever show being vulnerable. This is not what I learnt growing up… but I learnt it this year, in 2020.

Being able to say I was scared, to show I was vulnerable, insecure and voice it to my partner, friends and dear ones, felt the biggest achievement of 2020, and let me now tell you, IT IS LIBERATING. Being able to accept that changes were going to happen, and I was not able to control them, was incomprehensible for the control freak that I am…. but I did eventually. I learnt to take it day by day…you know that way of saying “being present in the moment”? I always thought it was a lot of nonsense…. what do you mean being present when I need to control the future and plan everything for everyone else as fast as I can??!! I know we have all been there… or maybe not… if not, good for you.

What this pause has given me, is the time to look after myself, my kids and my family. I am grateful and I appreciate what I never did before…This week feels like new beginnings for me….sometimes it is about facing your fears, fear of not being in control and let it all go…

A new decade starts now… and I am excited after a long time.